The War Room

Today was the first meeting with our RE. To protect the names of the innocent we will call him Dr.P. Both DH and I really liked him. He seemed calm and started walking us through where we were at and where we should start going. Here is the breakdown...

1st he wants me to have the hsg test (which I figured he would) however he made me a slight bit nervous when he explained that women who have had chlamydia have a higher than normal chance of having tube damage. Unfortunately I had an @sshole of a boyfriend in highschool that gave me the dreaded thing. Cue first round of crying.

2nd he is concerned that from my prolonged habit of smoking (I have been quit since 2/09 COLD TURKEY!) I may have a depleted number of eggs. Cue second round of crying.

I know I make it sound as though my doc was Mr. Doomsday, but he wasn't. These were the areas my over-analytical brain latched onto.

DH of course was thrilled that his SA that he did 8 mos ago will count for now and he will not have to go to the fun lil room again.

We are going to move forward towards IUI and my doc is hoping that either this month, if we can get all tests done, or next month will be the first round. I am feeling a little nervous, for lots of reasons.

First and foremost, how do you deal with everything if the problem is with you? What if I caused these problems? Both issues that doc thinks may be (calm down Arice- need to take tests first) wrong would be things that I could have avoided.

What if I am the reason that dh may never be a father of his own kids? Will he resent me? I talked with him. We have the BEST communication. He says no, and I know he loves me, but what if it is me? I know, spotlight the self-loathing girl! Here I am ready for my close-up!

The other thing I have decided, is that fertility docs should set up booths at like Home Shows, or Womens Expos. Here is my reason behind this. After meeting with Dr.P and going over our situation. His initial guestimate about our current chances of,"Spontaneous Conception" is about 0-4% per month. 0-4%! If I had known that a year ago, I would have come to the Dr much sooner. Why is it that we don't know these things? Now I could have saved myself countless dollars on Kleenex (I actually use Puffs Plus with Aloe), feeling like a failure every month, and my hubby would only think I was partially crazy instead of certifiable. I was so ready to let Mother Nature have her due courses, but whoooaaa was I off base. Apparently not going to happen for me.

Now I will sit and wait for Aunt Flo to arrive with all the baggage she travels with (emotional ya know). When she finally arrives, because she will arrive, I will get to make a call to schedule my hsg. A test I am thoroughly scared about thanks to a friend telling me about hers.


Hopefully my tubes are not blocked and I will have only wasted some more PPwA (aka Puffs Plus w. Aloe). Hopefully my egg count is stellar. Then hopefully we can move forward towards IUI. Hopefully they will get dh lil soldiers to the battlefield and WE WILL WIN THIS WAR!

Infertility I am calling you to the mat! Enjoy your time in control for the moment. I am coming at you and I am bringing the big guns.

Next post: Aunt Flo's Arrival (Coming soon to a uterus near you)