There are not words

Today is a sad day.  Today I mourn for a woman I have not met, for her girls that will never know how extraordinary their short lives were and how many people they affected.  I feel her loss is shared by a giant community that are all hugging their children extra tight tonight and holding on just a little bit longer to make sure they soak up every minute. 

To experience infertility almost certainly gaurantees you an experience with loss.  Whether its the loss of a dream of a pregnancy, an early miscarriage, or something much worse there are not words for the horrible feeling of emptiness.  To hang on to your sanity takes just about every shred you have. 

To my dear friend, sister, and comrade I am truly sorry for your loss.  My heart breaks for you and your family.  Know that all of your sisters tonight think of you, and wish they could ease your pain.     

IF Bits

If you are asking yourself what '"IF" is all about, you have never had it.  IF is an acronym for Infertility.  My journey is not nearly as long as some of the amazing women I know, but it has felt like a lifetime.  I know more about the human reproductive system than some doctors and I have had more pelvic exams than some women have in a lifetime.  I have had more blood taken from me than the red cross distributes (okay slight exageration) and am more in tune to my body than almost everyone I know (do you know what day 14 feels like, or even understand what that question means?).  I have shared more tears with women I don't know and will never meet from all around the world as we share BFN and BFP, m/c and issues with RE's (for all the EB (Easy breeders) see the acronym list on the side). 

This is my space to talk about the issues surrounding IF.  Whether you have never had it, had primary infertility, secondary infertility, PCOS, DOR, hyperstimulatiton, anovulation or any of the other thousand things that can be wrong, missing, damaged, or unknown this blog's for you.