This is my story and how I ended up sitting in an RE's office. I think its important for non-ttc people to read what IF people go through. Not that every couple that struggles with IF goes through this, but its to show that this road isn't easy.
**Let me preface this post by stating there are some TMI moments in here as well as stories about miscarriages.***
The whole "first comes love, then comes marriage, then comes baby in the baby carriage" is the only thing I have done "correct" There are many areas which I have made wrong turns through life, but having a family is the only area that I never faltered on. Sometimes I think that maybe that's my problem.
We started ttc right after we got married. We got married 10/22/05. In April of 2006 I got pregnant. (This is the first time I have wrote this story out so bare with me). We got our first BFP on Mother's day. What a perfect day it was! I called my mom and she announced it to my whole family. We were ecstatic.
I had no idea what doctor to use, so I called a friend and she gave me the name of her OB/GYN. I called made an appointment and 4 days later we had our first ultrasound and saw that tiny heart beat. I was unaware of how profound that moment would be. My dh and I were so excited. I got baby books, my mom sent maternity clothes, we started looking at what colors to paint the nursery etc.
Then I started to bleed. We went to the ER and they said that I was still pg and that everything was ok for the moment. I was told I had a subchorionic hemmorage. (TMI coming)When I went home that night I bled quarter sized clots. I was sure I was miscarrying. I cried and called my mom and we cried together. And then I tried to move on. I was supposed to go to Colorado for work the 23-25 of May. I decided to go, what else was I going to do sit at home and cry? I went. While I was there, I ended up getting a fever and almost fainted. I was brought back to my hotel where I promptly threw up. I went to the ER and after telling the Dr about my miscarriage he imformed me, " I can't be sure but I think you may still be pg." I thought to myself, "What kind of crackpot Drs do they hire at this hospital?" I went home the next day.
Once at home friday I had scheduled an US for my thyroid. I wasn't going to go to it, even though OB/GYN had requested it. I decided to go and see if I could find out if I was still pg thanks to crazy doc. (PS- still bleeding this entire time) I made the US tech feel sorry me and she gave me a pelvic US. Low and behold.... a heartbeat. I lost it. I was so relieved. and scared. I was still bleeding. Any second could be the last second.
I went back to my OB/GYN and he was amazed. I was still (TMI again) bleeding silver dollar sized clots on a regular basis. I could go through a heavy duty maxi in 20 minutes. (Should have had stock in Always!) He told me to take it easy and just maintain.
Meanwhile in other areas of life my dh and I were moving into our first house. Packing, moving, lifting, all these things I could no longer do. I was in the ER another time because of abdominal pain. Heartbeat still there and in fact I got to have a colored US and could see the blood flowing to and from. My dr decided to put me on bedrest. (still bleeding) This is now the first week in June. We were moving saturday. House isn't packed, couldn't do anything.
Our friends and family, bless them, moved our entire house. I watched from the couch. I was so afraid to even move off the couch. Mind you I am only 10 weeks along on that friday. I had called my mom and cried that I wouldn't even be able to unpack my house once we got there. I wasn't working, my hubby was gone all day. I was on bedrest. I had friends coming over to "babysit" me. My mom agreed to fly from Minnesota to Phoenix to come unpack my house.
She stayed for about a week. She couldn't believe how much I was still bleeding. She would have to help my from the bathroom to my bed because the abdominal pain was so bad. On top of it, I had major morning sickness every hour of the day. That made the bleeding worse. And the cramping.
She unpacked my entire house. Clothes, dishes, bathrooms, kitchen, everything. She made dinner for dh and I every night while I laid there contemplating that I would be there for more than 6 more months. Sadly this would not happen.
On June 21 I had bad cramping, and major pains. I had a grilled cheese sandwich for lunch. I remember sleeping most of that day. At 2:00 am I woke up to pee. As I laid back down in bed, my whole world shifted. It's the only way I can describe the feeling. I felt everypiece of my body shift to the right. I miscarried that night. I spent the rest of the night/day in the hospital.
My OB/GYN was wonderful. He came to see us and to have me released. He said something that at the time I was almost apalled but now have come to cling to. He said,"At least you know you can get pg" I didn't realize how important those words would be.
It took a really long time to get over that. I will never forget 6/22/06. I can talk about it now, but there are still times I look at the US photos and think about it. I can't get rid of them.
My next "fun" experience came 9 months later. I found out I was pg again. What was amusing about this was that based on how far along I was when I found out BFP, we had gotten pg about the same time as the year before. There were jokes that my only fertile time was over Easter. LOL. Not thinking that anything would be wrong, I went to my OB appt by myself. (dh wanted to but had just started a new job).
Sure enough BFP, send her off to the ultrasound tech (aka the Devil). I was the very last US of the day. The tech brings me in there and this cold hearted bleep, does her thing and says, "I see the sack, but no HB and you should have one. See your doc about scheduling a D&C, you can clean yourself off now." I couldn't believe what she was saying. I asked her to repeat that, and she said the same thing. No baby get a d&c. My doc was already gone for the day.
Not sure how I drove home. DH came home and found me in puddles of my tears on the couch. I went to the doc the next day. He said there would be no d&c unless I wanted one and only after we waited another 2 weeks to verify for sure that there was no HB. 2WW went by and no HB =( He told me my hormone levels were still doubling and that my body hadn't realized I wasn't actually pg. I scheduled the D&C on friday may 25th (memorial day weekend). I told my doc to make sure and test the tissue for dna. I just wouldn't be able to live with myself if...... He came back after and confirmed no dna. Relief.
That was more than 2 years ago. Not even a maybe has come. DH and I had basic ft tests done in early 2009. We both come back fine. I did a round of unmonitored Femara, and stopped. I needed some ME time. Get my sanity back.
And now we are up to the end of 2009. Since I originally started trying, everyone I know has become pg. It's hard. I have given mother nature her shot. She has had 4 years to make this happen. Now we are giving science some chances.
We started ttc right after we got married. We got married 10/22/05. In April of 2006 I got pregnant. (This is the first time I have wrote this story out so bare with me). We got our first BFP on Mother's day. What a perfect day it was! I called my mom and she announced it to my whole family. We were ecstatic.
I had no idea what doctor to use, so I called a friend and she gave me the name of her OB/GYN. I called made an appointment and 4 days later we had our first ultrasound and saw that tiny heart beat. I was unaware of how profound that moment would be. My dh and I were so excited. I got baby books, my mom sent maternity clothes, we started looking at what colors to paint the nursery etc.
Then I started to bleed. We went to the ER and they said that I was still pg and that everything was ok for the moment. I was told I had a subchorionic hemmorage. (TMI coming)When I went home that night I bled quarter sized clots. I was sure I was miscarrying. I cried and called my mom and we cried together. And then I tried to move on. I was supposed to go to Colorado for work the 23-25 of May. I decided to go, what else was I going to do sit at home and cry? I went. While I was there, I ended up getting a fever and almost fainted. I was brought back to my hotel where I promptly threw up. I went to the ER and after telling the Dr about my miscarriage he imformed me, " I can't be sure but I think you may still be pg." I thought to myself, "What kind of crackpot Drs do they hire at this hospital?" I went home the next day.
Once at home friday I had scheduled an US for my thyroid. I wasn't going to go to it, even though OB/GYN had requested it. I decided to go and see if I could find out if I was still pg thanks to crazy doc. (PS- still bleeding this entire time) I made the US tech feel sorry me and she gave me a pelvic US. Low and behold.... a heartbeat. I lost it. I was so relieved. and scared. I was still bleeding. Any second could be the last second.
I went back to my OB/GYN and he was amazed. I was still (TMI again) bleeding silver dollar sized clots on a regular basis. I could go through a heavy duty maxi in 20 minutes. (Should have had stock in Always!) He told me to take it easy and just maintain.
Meanwhile in other areas of life my dh and I were moving into our first house. Packing, moving, lifting, all these things I could no longer do. I was in the ER another time because of abdominal pain. Heartbeat still there and in fact I got to have a colored US and could see the blood flowing to and from. My dr decided to put me on bedrest. (still bleeding) This is now the first week in June. We were moving saturday. House isn't packed, couldn't do anything.
Our friends and family, bless them, moved our entire house. I watched from the couch. I was so afraid to even move off the couch. Mind you I am only 10 weeks along on that friday. I had called my mom and cried that I wouldn't even be able to unpack my house once we got there. I wasn't working, my hubby was gone all day. I was on bedrest. I had friends coming over to "babysit" me. My mom agreed to fly from Minnesota to Phoenix to come unpack my house.
She stayed for about a week. She couldn't believe how much I was still bleeding. She would have to help my from the bathroom to my bed because the abdominal pain was so bad. On top of it, I had major morning sickness every hour of the day. That made the bleeding worse. And the cramping.
She unpacked my entire house. Clothes, dishes, bathrooms, kitchen, everything. She made dinner for dh and I every night while I laid there contemplating that I would be there for more than 6 more months. Sadly this would not happen.
On June 21 I had bad cramping, and major pains. I had a grilled cheese sandwich for lunch. I remember sleeping most of that day. At 2:00 am I woke up to pee. As I laid back down in bed, my whole world shifted. It's the only way I can describe the feeling. I felt everypiece of my body shift to the right. I miscarried that night. I spent the rest of the night/day in the hospital.
My OB/GYN was wonderful. He came to see us and to have me released. He said something that at the time I was almost apalled but now have come to cling to. He said,"At least you know you can get pg" I didn't realize how important those words would be.
It took a really long time to get over that. I will never forget 6/22/06. I can talk about it now, but there are still times I look at the US photos and think about it. I can't get rid of them.
My next "fun" experience came 9 months later. I found out I was pg again. What was amusing about this was that based on how far along I was when I found out BFP, we had gotten pg about the same time as the year before. There were jokes that my only fertile time was over Easter. LOL. Not thinking that anything would be wrong, I went to my OB appt by myself. (dh wanted to but had just started a new job).
Sure enough BFP, send her off to the ultrasound tech (aka the Devil). I was the very last US of the day. The tech brings me in there and this cold hearted bleep, does her thing and says, "I see the sack, but no HB and you should have one. See your doc about scheduling a D&C, you can clean yourself off now." I couldn't believe what she was saying. I asked her to repeat that, and she said the same thing. No baby get a d&c. My doc was already gone for the day.
Not sure how I drove home. DH came home and found me in puddles of my tears on the couch. I went to the doc the next day. He said there would be no d&c unless I wanted one and only after we waited another 2 weeks to verify for sure that there was no HB. 2WW went by and no HB =( He told me my hormone levels were still doubling and that my body hadn't realized I wasn't actually pg. I scheduled the D&C on friday may 25th (memorial day weekend). I told my doc to make sure and test the tissue for dna. I just wouldn't be able to live with myself if...... He came back after and confirmed no dna. Relief.
That was more than 2 years ago. Not even a maybe has come. DH and I had basic ft tests done in early 2009. We both come back fine. I did a round of unmonitored Femara, and stopped. I needed some ME time. Get my sanity back.
And now we are up to the end of 2009. Since I originally started trying, everyone I know has become pg. It's hard. I have given mother nature her shot. She has had 4 years to make this happen. Now we are giving science some chances.
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